Journal Entry: Living Life In The Grey
“Girl, where is that Essence content? It’s been forever since you’ve posted any content like that on your site.”
“Huh..? I don’t know her.”
“Well. If you really want to know. Ya girl is lost and a little frustated at this current point in her life.”
If you're new to TSS and not sure what the "Essence" aspect of it is about, see here
I feel like in order for me to grow as an individual and as a business owner, there are a lot of demons I need to work with/fight/battle??
I will try to limit the gibberish and word vomit but in true Mona fashion I’ve just got to passionately let it all out:
The main reason you haven’t seen Essence content from me on the blog in the past 6 months is that I felt like I couldn’t give you guys tips and tricks when I was here struggling to listen to my own advice and working through my own challenges.
The past 6 months, actually eff it. The past year I have been dealing with a lot on a variety of levels- and I am sure you have been to. I think it’s something in the air. I’ve been working through a crap ton of self-doubt. We’re talking “Hey self-doubt, I've got some great real estate available for you in my brain right now. Come live here forever” type of self- doubt. With all that, I thought to myself “How can I ever give people advice, guidance, tips, anything for that matter, when I am feeling so low myself?”
If you’re reading further hoping for a solution: you won’t get one here. Because the truth is I am right beside you. I am not someone whose received endless education, talked to endless therapists and coaches all to share my insight with you all. I am learning day by day with you. I am trying to fight through doubt and the boundaries of comfort. The purpose of the “Essence” aspect of this blog is to be real with you all and share things that have helped me on my life journey so far. I guess I am re-instilling to myself and to you guys, the main objective of my blog: that there is no perfection here. There is no end all be all solution to mine and your problems. At 24 years old, I am just now beginning to really understand and process that life is not black and white. And I am learning to live my best life in the grey. The grey is a space where I fail, evolve, grow, will always remain and that’s okay. Nothing is ever really about the final destination, but more the chase and hustle of it all. It’s okay to be simultaneously flawed and wanting to be better and to help others. My focus has shifted from being so driven on a vision of an endgame of perfection to more focused on the now. When life is just too heavy, too much, too everything, I have found that putting all your heart into the present day is so much more rewarding. Just 24 hours. Focusing on just trying for those 24 hours is a lot more rewarding and nurturing to your growth.
That's all for now.
Sending you love,
Mona